GOD DOES NO EVIL...NOW I CAN SAY GOODBYE... ADIEU EKUNDAYO.

I haven't posted anything all this time out of respect to the dead (to you). Initially, I just could not bring myself to write anything. But as time went on and I was being asked by friends “what's up with your blog?”... “Why have you not written again?”...“Aren't you going ahead with the blog?”, and so on, I realized I was going to, as a kind of tribute to you, wait until after a month to write or post anything again. A month being two days ago, so forth comes this post. But what I never thought I'ld do is actually write a tribute, or anything this is called.

The morning I heard you had passed is still as vivid in my memory like it happened five minutes ago. The guilt,oh, the guilt! I felt it so strongly, I was shaken by it. And even before I was told, I knew, and then I sent you a message on Facebook saying I was going to call you that day as soon as I could,blaming my not having called you on the network issues I started having as soon as I got to Abuja...bla bla bla. It was true alright, but not entirely. A week had passed since I last spoke with you, and even then, it was you who called to update me (and I had not called you myself in two weeks). Although I did something about it the next day by putting up a post on the group page  as I promised I would, I should have gotten back to you by whatever means. But the truth is, talking to you was already getting to me too, like a couple of our school mates told me, and all the more so because of the not so favourable reports which was getting me frustrated and angry with the whole situation, so much so after my visits to Iperu and KAAF here in Lagos.

The truth is, I wasn't looking forward to calling you with any news not good, infact, I wasn't looking forward to any conversations with you until the whole thing could go away. I didn't want to tell you anything I was doing or planning to do again, who I was going to call, write or see. I just wanted it all to work out without bugging you with all the details. But, a couple of days to your death, I could never stop thinking about calling you, even if it was just to ask how you were feeling without discussing anything else. And that very morning of the 16th, I was in the bathroom, and I made a note in my head to call Yinka Odukomaya to ask about the NGO guy who had asked me for your account details, and to remind Imole to remind Kayoyemi about his church in the States, and finally, I mentally noted I must call you as soon as I talked to them. So you can imagine how terrible I felt when I got the news about you! I was just going to call you!

I switched on my phone, and the messages came pouring in. I sorted through and saw a PING! from Dotun, and a message asking me to paste my number, and immediately, my heart registered it (I know she had learnt from your cousin,being your distant cousin herself). And I began to shake. I quickly sent you that facebook message, knowing I was too late and still hoping I could still get one message across to you (Yeah right!Like you were going to hang around to get one last message from Omotola! *eyes rolling*). And then, a call came through, I saw the caller ID and it was “Haddah” (Blessing Chukwuma). This was the first time I was hearing from her over your case (ofcourse, I already knew what she wanted to tell me). Apparently, while I had not turned on my phone for the day, they had been trying to reach me. And as soon as I picked up,I shouted at her in a trembling voice to tell me what happened, even though she was crying, and I already knew Dotun had told her. And ofcourse she said “Omotola, Dayo is dead”. I replied, “I know, thank you”, and I hung up.

My aunt's driver and a member of her staff who were in the car with me asked what happened, and I mumbled out the words quietly, “my friend died”. Seeing the dazed expression on my face, they asked me to calm down! Like seriously??? Calm down??? At that point, I was anything but calm. I was not out of my seat running around or anything like that, infact, I appeared put together. But my head was spinning, my emotions raging, and behold, right atop it all was Mr Guilt! And then, I started to murmur “Dayo, please, forgive me”, “Oh God, pls forgive me” (I know it sounds ridiculous, but I could not help feeling that way at that time!). Oga Modibo(my aunt's driver) asked if I didn't want to go where I was going again, and if I would like to go back. He felt it was obvious something was wrong, and people would continually ask what was wrong. But I needed to be outside, I needed air! So I said I was fine. And then, all through the day, as soon as I was alone, I couldn't stop exclaiming and crying, it being surreal to me that you had actually gone.

I called your brother and asked him in a calm voice, “What of Dayo?”, and he stuttered and said “Omotola, Dayo is gone”. For real??? It's really true??? And then he said he was at that moment sitting in the office of the person who had offered to sponsor your treatment! I mean the person we've been looking for! And you chose that time to pack it up and leave??? .......Well, I gathered up strength, composed a BC informing people of your death, and thanking them for the support, contributions and prayers so far, and then, I posted the information on the group page. PHEEW!

The next morning, I got up with eyes so swollen and heavy, but something had happened to me. It was as if all those tears had washed away a good portion of the guilt, but not all, because I still found it difficult to accept the “thank you for your efforts” and prayer messages other schoolmates of ours were sending. And then anger started to replace the guilt! Anger at the bloggers I wrote with attached documentary evidence, to do your story, the so-called foundations, all of whom claim to help with situations like yours! At all the people who could help and didn't help, the people we called and saw, and how these people continued to enjoy their lives while you had bowed to a failed kidney! (Although I knew I was being ridiculous (again!), and they owed you or us nothing, but I just could not help feeling that way (again!)!...).

And my mind was whirling, and all these thoughts were running through my head,....“Is the world fair at all???”...“Life didn't just treat Dayo well”...“Born with the sickle cell anaemia, orphaned early in life, and now dies of a failed kidney, Ronaldo suffered through this life!”... But then, each time, it always hits me, that God never does evil.

I'm positive you had more laughs than some people who had perfect health, and lived better moments than more who seemed to have lived the “good life”. God gave you that Grace to laugh through it all, to be funny (the major thing everyone remembers about you), and make light of things in the darkest hours. I mean you saw me after 10 years, and I had come to check you after I learnt of your ailment and to discuss how we could raise N6million for you to live, which was a sad sad situation, and the visit, not a social visit at all, and the first thing you say to me from where you lay down was “you're still chubby, how far?” while trying to smile! You could not even get up to greet me, and it was written all over you that you were battling for your life. You had always battled one crisis after the other, and you had every right to be angry with the world, but no, you were still trying to smile and make jokes! Who does that???

Through it all, you amazed everyone with your Will and Strength, even Jojolore said to me, “This dude is strong! And his Will makes me wish I could do more for him, what more can we do, where can we go???”...*chuckle* oh yes, he had just talked to you and was amazed, and then sent me a very long message, and he was burning with a passion to do more for you.

Dayo, if the way you weathered all those storms and went through the “harsh” life that you had is anything to go by, you were at peace with the world! And just two days ago, I read somewhere, that there's no greater wealth in this world than peace of mind! If that be so, I am firmly assured of the life you lived, knowing you had it all. God does no evil, and he equipped you for the life you had. Oh yes, you had it all, even if it didn't seem so, but then, His ways are not our ways, neither are His thoughts ours.

I feel so much better knowing all of these, and I am grateful that your sickness enabled I and other schoolmates of ours get in touch with you in the last days of your life,and they weren't lonely and empty days. Most importantly, because of the feeling it left you with, as you told me, seeing everyone rally round like that, showing that we care. I am grateful you took that with you. Who says you didn't live a full life!

I posted on your wall when you died, that when I am able to deal and have come to terms with your death, and my feelings, I would probably talk to you by writing on your wall like your cousin said he would do whenever he feels like talking to you. Though I'm writing on my wall (smile) and not yours, I can deal now. It was a month two days ago that you left behind all the pain and went to rest. I hope you've seen your Mom and Dad. Give them my best wishes...This is goodbye, sleep well Ekundayo...ADIEU.